Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today.

You can lead a horse to water but if you can get it to float on it's back w/all four's in the air, then you've got something

Rule of thumb for women:  If it has tires or testicles, you're gonna have trouble with it

The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom.

If Life is a Waste of Time &
Time is a Waste of Life...
then let's all get Wasted &
have the Time of our Life

If I was a cat, the pee you're standing in would glow under a black light.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Quantum Mechanics - the dreams stuff is made of

"I" before "E" except in Budweiser

2 wrongs are only the beginning

Bread - Not Bombs
...We tried bread - it wouldn't explode

It's not hard to meet expenses,
they're everywhere.

Have fun during morning rush hour  - drive to work in reverse

Friends don't let Friends go home with ugly women

Man - Vaginally Challenged

The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing and then they marry him.

Goals are just dreams with a deadline

Some days you're the dog; some days you're
the hydrant

It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't
been anywhere

Definition of DIVORCE: to rip out a mans genitals through his wallet

My wife follows me everywhere....
I do Not!

If God is love, and love is blind, does that mean Stevie Wonder is God???
Craig

The only reason I throw horseshoes over my left shoulder is because Merle told me to.
Bruce